Since they stopped trying to kill me, Wetherspoon have been making many changes to my lunchtime caffeine fix. First was the new coffee machine, which seems to make weaker americanos (aka black coffee) but much tastier lattes.
Next was the re-categorising of the existing sized mugs to “small” and introducing the larger hot chocolate mugs as “regular”. This also included a price increase from 69p to 79p on small, or 99p for a regular.
Yesterday, they redeemed themselves with this:

Behold, the Wetherspoon Magic Beans Coffee Reward Card – buy four small coffees, get the fifth free. Using mathematics, I can prove that this not only negates the 10p price increase, it works out 29p cheaper per five coffees! You can’t argue with numbers:
(79 x 4) < (69 x 5)
These particular numbers (with which you cannot argue) make my goal, which is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal, more cost effective.
That’s actually Wally from Dilbert’s goal but Dilbert quotes seem to get search engine hits, albeit with 100% bounce rates. Spices up the website statistics a bit though.